And I realize I want that.  I want to wake up with a smile on my face, with my heart filled with the joy and beauty and wonderment of what I know life is. Or at least meant to be. 

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And maybe for the first time I understand in my heart why the hermit climbs to a place to be alone, those who choose to go through a time of silence, why there are abbeys and nunneries.  Because when searching for what can be, it helps if

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